Everything now has an acronym.  They’ve been around for a long time, but they seem more prevalent now, especially on dating sites.  Just thumbing (literally) through Bumble I see SWM (single white man), LTR (long term relationship), DDF (drug and disease free) and ENFJ (I have no idea what that is).    So I have decided that I am going to create my own acronym.

SMAW – Single Middle Aged Woman

It’s pronounced “small.”  Trust me on this pronunciation – it’s what I do in my “real” life.

Some of us can be SMAWS – Single Middle Aged Woman Sane.  Like “smalls” – as in “you’re killing me smalls.”  That’d be my acronym.  If I ever decided to redo my Bumble, Match or Tinder profile that’s how I’m going to label myself.   I wonder how many men would be attracted to a SMAWS.  Could a man actually believe that a single middle age woman could be sane?  I think I am and I can think of a few female friends that are, but then most of my friends are guys.  Adding the S could be optional depending on what time of month it is. That would also be helpful to the dating profile.  Then the man knows if he’s getting me at an emotional time or not.

Here’s what men should know about SMAWS when they see me trying to sell myself on dating apps.  I don’t have time for your bullshit and I don’t do drama – unless there’s no S at the end, then drama abounds.  I don’t need to be rescued, I can do that for myself.  I love myself first.  Hopefully you’ll be a nice addition to my life.

SMAWS can make men feel like they’re dating a cougar or someone 20 years younger  all at the same time because we have wrinkles and pimples.  After sex, there is no way we’ll want to cuddle because I most likely be hot – sweaty hot – so there’s no worry for men who don’t want to do that.

I think this SMAWS thing good take off.  Maybe someone would even make a movie out of it like they did with Single White Female (SWF).  Think they’d ask me to act in it?  LMAO!!!!